Also inkjets are terrible in my experience. Messy, need lots of maintenance, dries up, clogs up and whatnot. Some printers need calibration to print properly, others do maintenance noises at a random time of a night.
And above all, it decides you're out of yellow ink and won't let you print a document, based on page count forecasting and not any actual sensors. I find that crappy, to say the least.
Thanks for reminding me why I'm all for old laser printers

Nevertheless, I can't fix these formatters forever. If someone has any recommendations I'm all ears.
To wrap up my expectations, here they are:
- Laser printing
- Duplex
- LAN (or Wi-Fi)
- Full Linux support
- Large paper tray would be a plus (500+ sheets)
For small notes, package labels and other temporary prints I use Extech S4500THS that I grabbed for $10. Sits on my desk, no toners or inks, just 20m roll of paper that lasts some 3-6 months.